Chapter 48
Katerina:
I walked out of the room before Nikolay could tell me a word, knowing that he would try to convince me to stay in the room. The thing was, I knew that sleeping elsewhere was not going to lead me to anything. I was the man’s wife, and it was my part to sleep in his bed. Him going to different women was not going to solve anything anyway.
I ran my fingers through my hair as I sat on the floor, in front of the house’s front door, trying to clear my mind.
It sickened me because I expected that coming here and living together, alone from all the fuss, was going to solve a lot. But it turned out to be the exact opposite, if anything, it felt like a complete nightmare to me and all I wanted to do was have it end.
My heart raced, and my cheeks reddened as I fought my tears, but I couldn’t bring myself to let them out. My dignity was shattered as the man that I was growing to fall in love with, deeper by the day, just admitted to me that he was in love with another woman. Well, it wasn’t like I didn’t know, but I figured by now that he would have forgotten her, or at least, got distracted out of her love. Turns out that I was wrong, and that is something that was bothering me. Mostly because I didn’t know how I would be able to cope with it.
I shook my head as I ran my now skinny hands through my hair. I was barely getting over the fact that I was abused in front of the whole family. They thankfully didn’t throw it in my face but I could see their pity in their eyes and that was something that I hated with everything that I had
in me.
My heart raced and my cheeks heated as I felt them redden, though it wasn’t shyness this time. I was embarrassed and humiliated, and I blamed myself for it. I could have been smarter, and that was how I was going to be. I wasn’t going to be that woman that was played, I can no longer be that kind of woman. If anything, the way that I was acting got me nowhere
@ J & B BDDMM
Chapter 48
but a heartbreak. And that scared me.
62% 17:04
The front door was opened, and my heart raced as I saw Nikolay sitting beside me. He looked at me for a second before handing me a glass, I frowned when I looked at it to find that he was handing me a cup of scotch, like what he was drinking. I shook my head and got up from beside him.
“Katerina…”
“The reason I got out of the house was the need to be alone, and the need for fresh air. Please give me that time to be.” I said, and he shook his head as he set the glasses down.
“I know very well that you are upset after what I said…”
“Nikolay, I am begging you right now, if you want this first day to pass with no problems, please leave me alone. I know that you want to try and make things better, but I do not feel okay. I need time to process what you just told me and I need time to actually take a deep breath and focus. My emotions are struck, and I am acting with them. That is wrong of me and I am aware of it. Therefore, please give me time to actually try and find my space.” I said, and he sighed before pinching the bridge of his nose, this not being what he expected to hear. I knew that he was trying to make things better, but I also knew that I had to be alone to know how to act around him later.
The anger that I was feeling right now was not healthy for the two of us and I knew that it would lead me to nowhere but trouble. Therefore, I knew that I had to stay calm and very quiet about this. If anything, I had to focus on getting my shit back together before this got too serious.
“Katerina, I know that you are upset with me, and I know that you may be hurting because of what I said. But I want you to keep in mind that it was never in my intentions. If anything, I wanted to defend you, and I wanted to be by your side as a husband. I still do, but I am being honest about the fact that I cannot be your loving husband. It is something that I don’t want to lie to you about.” He said, and I nodded, not knowing what to say or do.
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My heart ached, and my hands shook, but I forced myself to nod as I knew that it was the right thing to do.
“You are not going to tell me anything to respond, are you?” He asked and I shook my head. I didn’t have anything to tell him, if anything, I knew that whatever I said was just going to come out as wrong, and that was something that I didn’t want.
“I want to close the topic, Nikolay.” I said, choosing to be cold about it. I had already made my request earlier, and I just wanted to be alone right now. There was no other thing that I wanted or needed. The man knew for fact that he was a weakness to me, and that was something that I knew he could easily take advantage of. Therefore, I had to be smart and not show him that he could. Otherwise, he would end up hurting me more than he already has, and that wasn’t something that I was going to cope with. The pain that I have lived through up to this point was more than enough for
- me.
His promise at the hospital flashed through my head, making my heart ache as I tried to fight back my tears. They were tears of pain, and if anything, I knew for fact that it was due to me believing in a lie, or more specifically, a dream that I knew would now never happen. His love for me would be nothing but a dream, it was something that I knew for fact right now, but at least I got a chance to have a dream. Others were lost in that part after all the abuse that I have personally been through. Therefore, choosing to put on the best smile that I could muster, I allowed myself to swallow my pride before I opened my mouth to ask.
“Can we please get something to eat, I am hungry…“
