Chapter 199
lan’s eyes were a reservoir of unspoken agony. He carefully cradled Clara in his arms, his large hands gently stroking her back. His voice was low and husky, tinged with a slight tremble. “Clara, lash out at me, please. If it helps, you can throw a punch, too. Just don’t bottle up all that pain, alright?”
Clara didn’t resist his embrace. She no longer had the strength to argue with him, nor did she want to let herself be hurt over lan anymore. She managed a faint smile, “lan, I should be thanking you, really. If I find out that child when I fall madly in love with Anders, that would be the real knife to the heart. Tonight’s ordeal? It’s nothing. Just a few days of gossip, a few pitying glances, and then it be old news.”
Just like before, when the whole office knew she was lan’s pampered pet. She was already used to the whispers and the rumors. Perhaps it was her fate to be the subject of such talk.
As a child, she was pointed at for her mother’s actions. As an adult, it was her love life.
Clara’s calmness made it seem as though this ordeal wasn’t about her at all. Ian felt each word like a jab to his heart. His gaze was filled with pain, his throat constricted, “Clara, was the surgery very painful? Were you scared when so much blood flowed out?”
Upon hearing this, Clara’s usually indifferent demeanor showed a slight ripple of emotion. She lifted her gaze, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“The doctor wamed me it would hurt, but I felt nothing. Maybe because no physical pain could match the ache here,” she said, touching her chest over her heart, her lips curving into a sad semblance of a smile.
Her feigned composure, masking a heart in agony, shattered lan’s last defenses. He pulled her close, his voice choppy and laced with
sobs.
“Clara, I’m so sorry. Sasha was right. I’m a monster, a beast. When you needed me the most, I abandoned you. Go ahead, yell at me. Hit me.” As he spoke, he took Clara’s hand and started hitting himself with it, even aiming for his face.
He thought this might help Clara vent, and lead her to forgive him, but no matter how he struck himself, Clara just watched him quietly. Her eyes, brimming with tears, watched him unravel in silence.
How deeply must a heart be wounded to become so numb?
lan could no longer hold back his tears, crying out Clara’s name in anguish. He buried his face in her shoulder, his body shaking with eách sob, his hot tears soaking through her blouse.
Clara’s hands remained at her sides, her gaze fixed on the serene moon reflected on the lake’s surface. A gentle breeze caused ripples across the water, making the moon appear to drift like a boat on the waves. Yet Clara’s heart was even calmer than the tranquil lake.
Maybe it was the sheer weight of her experiences that allowed her to regain composure so swiftly. Or perhaps it was a heart turned to ash, devoid of desire for anything around her.
After what felt like an eternity, lan finally lifted his head. His cold fingertips brushed against Clara’s chilled cheek, his voice a hoarse murmur, “Clara, let’s get back together. I’ll repay you double for everything I owe you.”
Clara’s dark eyes watched him quietly, her voice as still as the water. “lan, you want to make up for the hurt I’ve suffered in the past?”
