166. Olivia
‘Cause I don’t wanna see your face no more.
Rueben watches me as I clean all the pieces of the broken plate with my hands. A broom is nearby but I don’t want to touch it. I never wanted any of this. If only things had turned out differently on the night I killed Camila, I wouldn’t be here today. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.
Did I do this?
What did Tyson intend with that question? He certainly doesn’t care if I live or die. Hurting me is something he
enjoys.
Stop thinking about it!
I hate this. I hate that my mind is clear, that I can think, that I can overanalyze everything. Why did Jasper have to force me to quit drugs? I wasn’t harming anyone.
Is this where Roy hit you?
My cheek still throbs in pain. Mose offered me some painkillers but I declined.
There was a masked rage in Tyson’s voice. Does he want to be the only one to hurt me? I have news for him-the line in front of him is long. He either kills everyone else or will have to wait for his turn. Only that his turn has finally
come.
At least Tyson didn’t punish me for slapping him. Perhaps me asking how I could please him took him off guard. But he was hard. Yet he stepped away. Thank Go d. Because having to f u c k Tyson is not something I am looking forward to. I would rather have Jasper f u c k my as s all night long.
I need to find a way to stop myself from thinking. I need to go back to Jason. He is the one who can give me what I want my daily dose.
After I throw the broken plate in the trash I check on Miss Teapot. The explosion scared her pretty badly and she hid under the bed. While Jasper was trying to put out the fire, I was trying to convince her to come to me. It took some time to coax her to jump into my arms.
Content that Miss Teapot is sleeping in the basket Jasper put for her next to the fridge, I hobble back to the sink to finish washing the dishes. My toes are killing me, but I welcome the pain as it distracts me.
“What are you doing?”
Rueben’s question takes me by surprise. His tone is laced with anger.
“If I am going to live here I might as well help.”
A loud sound comes from behind me, and I don’t need to turn around to know that Rueben slammed his fist on the
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table. “You don’t live here. This is only temporary. If we weren’t in the middle of the f u c k i n g winter, I would have had you sleep outside. I don’t trust you won’t try to kill me in my sleep.”
“I can sleep in the barn,” I offer. That way I can be closer to the horses. I haven’t seen them since the night I snuck out. I haven’t stopped thinking about Speckles since then.
“I would rainer have you here so I can keep a close eye on you.”
Ruchen needs to make up his mind.
I put the dishes in the cabinet Jasper showed me before he and Ansel went to the barn. The wound Rueben sustained earlier is still bleeding and I grab the first aid kit and go to him.
“What the f u c k are you doing?” he snaps when I try to roll up his sleeve and jerks his arm away from me, a look of disgust on his face.
It’s hard to see how much he hates me, especially since we used to spend so much time together playing video games and doing other stuff. But those times are long gone.
I open the first aid kit. “Making sure your wound won’t get infected.”
“Why do you care?”
1 shrug. “I don’t care.” A lie. Despite what Rueben and Tyson did to me, I don’t wish anything bad to happen to them. I understand why they hate me. Why they did what they did to me. Besides, I don’t think treating people badly, even if they do terrible things to you, will fix anything. Kindness might not be the answer to all my problems, but I can’t change who I am. “But you still need the wound taken care of.”
Rueben takes out a cigar and starts smoking. “Mose will take care of it.”
I put some Betadine on a medical gauze. “Mose hit his head pretty badly during the explosion. He needs to rest.”
“Whatever,” Rueben stops protesting.
I clean his wound and then bandage it. Fortunately, the bullet only grazed his arm. I don’t think I would have had the courage to use whatever power the doctors gave on Rueben again. How did I even bring him back like that? I am a f u c k i n g freak. Such irony. I killed Camila and I ended up saving Rueben. Why didn’t I have this power the night I shot my best friend?
The bandage around his neck is dirty and I remove it. After a quick inspection, I put on a new dressing. “Your neck is healing pretty well. You must have a strong demon.”
He snorts. “What do you know? You are a high school dropout.”
Not by choice. I had plans. Dreams. Hopes. But one decision destroyed my entire life.
“When I was in the Celestial Heaven, I used to take care of the women who didn’t take Carlos’ training that well. I might have learned a thing or two,” I shrug.
“You learned how to suck and ride c o c k s,” Rueben snorts, but there is a trace of anger in his tone.
166. Olivia
I can’t tell if he is mocking me or resents me for what I was forced to do. Maybe both? Hesitantly, I s
things.”
“Among other
Rueben finishes his cigar and puts it out on top of my hand. It hurts but I stay still. Taking out the knife Camila and I gave him years ago on his birthday, he says, “If you think you can wiggle your way into our lives, you are wrong. Diseased C u n t.” Cutting his right palm, blood dripping on the table, he adds, “When we are done with the sex tapes and Senator Deymar’s career is destroyed, I will kill you,” he vows, letting me know how adamant he is to end my life.