158. Olivia
On the fourth morning after Rueben was shot, when the guys finally leave the house, I get out of bed. With a bit of luck, I might find a knife in the kitchen and finish what I started nights ago.
Ignoring the jolts of pain coming from my toes, I make my way into the kitchen. Empty beer bottles are on the table, together with ashtrays that need to be cleaned, Ignoring the mess, I open the drawers, but no matter how long I search, I don’t find what I am looking for.
Frustrated, I go to the living room. Miss Teapot is sleeping on the couch and I sif next to her. Wanting to distract myself, I grab the remote control when I notice a half-empty bottle of tequila on the coffee table. My heart suddenly beats faster. After looking around, making sure I am truly alone in the house, I grab it and go to the bedroom.
I prefer drugs over alcohol but tequila might get me drunk enough to forget about the pain for a few hours. Jasper might get angry once he learns I drank, but since he no longer wants me, I am sure he won’t care what I am doing
Just to be sure, I go into the bathroom, sit on the we, and take a sip from the bottle. The tequila is stronger than 1 expected and it feels like it is burning my throat then my stomach. Good. Maybe I will have a sudden internal combustion and die.
I don’t know how long I stay in the bathroom drinking when I hear Rueben’s voice coming from the next room. “I need help!
Why is he here?
sen
1 ignore him, not wanting to hear how he insults me but then he screams, “I am going to f u c k i n g pi s s myself!”
My head is spinning and I am sure I am tipsy but over the years, I built a high resistance to alcohol. It would take an entire bottle to get me fully drunk.
Rueben yells again.
Remembering Tyson’s reaction to when I couldn’t contain my bladder and the shame I felt after I wet the bed, I decide
to help him.
Swinging the bottle and drinking the remainder of the tequila, I go to help him. Not before I put the bottle back where I found it. Then I go to Rueben.
He is sitting on the bed, trying to yank the IV from his arm. He looks better than the last time I saw him. Being a vessel to a demon has its advantages. Jason always healed fast with the help of his angel. I guess it is the same for the Lords.
“You shouldn’t do that,” I say. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help, Diseased C u n t,” he snarls. He tries to get up but falls back on the bed. “F u c k !” Glaring daggers at me, he yells, “This is all your f u c k i n g fault!”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
158. Olivia
The guilt I feel doesn’t even come close to any of the torture I received while I was in the Celestial Heaven or any of the beatings Jason doled out to me. The guilt that lives in my chest and consumes me little by little is my personal
hell.
Rueben laughs bitterly. “You ruined my entire life and I will ruin yours.” I don’t know if he realizes my life is already a living nightmare. Nothing he will do can make it worse than it already is. “I curse the day Camila let you into our lives.” He tries to stand and I go to help him. “Don’t touch me!” I don’t want to, but he gets dizzy, and I put my shoulder under his arm, supporting him. My knees bend under his weight but he doesn’t push me away. I keep my face from him, not wanting him to smell the alcohol on my breath. He doesn’t notice it or the hate he feels for me makes him oblivious. “You should have put that pistol at your temple and blown your brain out instead of shooting my sweet sister right in the heart.”
away
Grabbing the IV stand pole, I direct him to the bathroom.
“I should have,” I agree.
We make it to the bathroom and I leave him to do his thing before I help him back into the bed.
“I am hungry, bring me something to eat,” he orders me.
It’s been years since I have cooked but nevertheless, I go to the kitchen. Remembering that Rueben likes omelet and toast, I look for ingredients in the fridge. Out of sheer luck, I find eggs, butter, shredded cheese, and green onions. In the cupboards, I find a bowl and other things I need and get to work. I rip the green part of the onion with my hands and add it to the cheese and the eggs before I mix everything and put it in the pan. The finished product looks awful, but the taste isn’t that bad.
I put the omelet on the tray together with a few slices of toast, a glass of juice and take it to Rueben.
“What the f u c k is this!?” he sneers when I put the tray on the nightstand next to him.
I should have guessed he wouldn’t like it. “I tried to make your favorite breakfast.”
He knocks everything to the floor. The plate and the glass break, my eyes fixing on the shards. A way out of this
misery.
“Except for f u c ki n g men and killing innocent people, are you even good at anything?”
“I am sorry,” I whisper and get on my knees to clean the mess.
After I clean the shards, cutting my fingers in the process, Rueben gets out of bed and stands in front of me.
“The only thing you are good at is f u c k i n g men but I would rather rip off my coc k than stick it inside that nasty cu n t of yours.” He sounds cold and full of hate. I look up at him, and he spits on my face. “My parents took their lives because of you and I will make sure you pay for everything you did before I kill you. Finish cleaning and get the f u c k
out of here.”
I rush to do as he orders, and when the floor is clean, I grab the tray and leave. Before throwing the glass shards in the bin, I put one in my shirt pocket. I wash my hands, wrap a towel around my fingers, and return to my room. Miss Teapot follows me. I pet her while I feel relieved that I finally found a way to end myself. She purrs and I lay on the bed and take the shard out. For a moment, I contemplate getting inside the bathroom, not wanting Jasper to have to
155 Olivia
deal with a mattress soaked with blood but f u c k it..
I roll up my sleeve.
Imagining Camila, he: lovely smile, and that sweet boy with turquoise eyes, I put the shard against my wrist. It doesn’t even hurt when I make the first cut. This time, it is along my arm, following a vein that goes from my wrist to the crook of my elbow,
Blood bubbles to the surface almost immediately, and I watch it transfixed. I switch the shard from one hand to the other and I am about to make another cut when the front door opens and closes, and I rush to hide the shard in the
bathroom.
“Olivia?” Ansel calls my name.
Panicking, I throw the shard inside the WC tank before I turn on the shower and I look for something to stop the bleeding. “Just a moment,” I yell, hoping he won’t enter.
Of course, the opposite happens. “I saw blood on the ” he stops mid-sentence as he looks at my arm. “What the f u c k happened?” he growls and closes the distance that separates us in one long step.
Now he pretends he cares? Hypocrite.
“I had an accident in the kitchen while I tried to make breakfast for Rueben,” I lie.
a s s. C
He grabs my arm to take a better look at it. “Accident, my top of having to protect the farm from Jason and hist men, I have to babysit you as well.”
Jason is here?
He takes a towel from the rack and wrap
it around my arm.
Knowing I missed my chance, a new plan comes to mind: sneak out of here and find Jason.
“I swear it was an accident. I dropped the tray with food for Rueben, and when I threw the shards away, I cut myself.” Showing him my fingers, I add, “This is from when I cleaned the floor. I didn’t want anyo